Who are you becoming?
In so many relationships, both old and new, it seems like there’s a constant struggle for power. Instead of deciding together what you want the relationship to grow into, you each have a personal vision of the end result and never seem to share that information. Let’s talk about the question “Who are you becoming?”
Are you making changes based on pleasing another?
All too often people try to figure out what someone wants and likes, and then tries to fit into that mold. There are some people who are very adept at becoming what they believe will bring the relationships in their life harmony. But is this a partner relationship or a parental relationship? Now, step inside that question. Are you becoming a subordinate, like a child trying to please a parent? Are you becoming a dictator, trying to groom your partner into the person you had hoped to be with?
Try and answer the questions without judgment. Most couples experience this in some stage of their relationship. It is not about right or wrong, it is about knowing where you are and understanding your motives.
Are you cultivating a relationship with mutual goals and respect?
Looking back, it seems odd that people are willing to accept behaviors they don’t really approve of with the thought that things will change. In the case of Shelia and Randy there was a moment that should have been a wake-up call. Early in their relationship Randy cooked dinner for Shelia.
This was Shelia’s gracious thank you. “I loved that you tried so hard to make a nice dinner. Don’t worry, you will get better.”
It was clear, in that one statement that Shelia was trying to “groom” Randy to be what she desired in a relationship. It was not meant to be mean. It was her honest assessment of the situation. Right then Randy had an important decision to make. Talk about the fact that the goal was to grow together and not be groomed, or try and model the obedient partner she was going to create.
Are you becoming a strong member of a loving team?
Who you are becoming is an intensely personal choice. There is not a right or wrong way to build a relationship if both partners are satisfied, trusted, loved and appreciated. If a woman wants to be “taken care of” and her partner wants that role, it is not for others to judge. So what do you want in your relationship? What does the end result look like? Have you shared your thoughts with your partner? Do you have any idea what your partner’s idea of a loving and good relationship is? What makes you feel loved? What makes your partner feel loved?
Relationships don’t grow in a day. However, the blueprint for the relationship should be designed and set out together. Each person should feel valued, included, and have the same end goal. Check your blueprint. If there isn’t one, create one, together.
I want to share with you one of my favorite quotes that has been helpful in decisions I make in any kind of relationship. It is one of my compass quotes that remind me that I need to pay attention. “Stay committed to your decisions, and stay flexible in your approach” ~ Tom Robbins.
Who are you becoming?