The Problem with Pettiness
The Problem with Pettiness is it’s like a relentless drip of a faucet that erodes the goodwill that underlies your relationship. Before you realize it, you start to feel unloved, under-appreciated and unheard, while being controlled and criticized. What happens next is that intimacy becomes a distant memory and your relationship is now on the rocks. Yet you expect some irritations in your relationship because it is impossible to find a person whose every habit, quirks, and preferences perfectly align with yours.
The main challenge in a relationship is to figure out how you can live with a partner who occasionally irritates you without alienating them.
And that’s exactly where some of you are right now 🙁
The Problem with Pettiness is that it is the little things that can break your relationship. Just as the Titanic was sunk because of a tiny hole in its hull, petty things are more likely to ruin your relationship than major issues in your life. The way your partner chews loudly or leaves dirty socks lying everywhere can build up resentment within you to such an extent that a huge argument can erupt when you least expect it, and then you start wondering when the rain starts to pound you.
Each person has a different value system and outlook towards life, and wants different things in life. Our temperaments are genetically influenced, we have different belief systems and we had different experiences while growing up. So you might wonder since your father always left the toilet seat down, why can’t your partner do the same? Or you might wonder since your mother used to cook food in a certain way, so why can’t your partner do the same? What matters is that these patterns have been deeply ingrained in us and so they are hard to dislodge.
For longtime couples, these constant minor irritations can cause deeper problems. It is just like an ice cube that grows into an iceberg that can sink your relationship. Small problems can coalesce into deeper problems as time goes by. You may hate the way your partner never listens to you yet always talks too much. You might also be annoyed by your partner’s lack of planning. When you add these petty issues, a picture can emerge of a selfish, self-absorbed partner and it may be just a matter of time before your relationship starts to fizzle out. This is the reason why you need to take care of the petty issues in your relationship before they grow into major issues that can ruin your relationship.