Dating and the Need to Know

Dating can be pretty tricky. If you have chemistry with someone, you may be apprehensive about revealing too much about yourself too soon. Then again, you may want to put it all on the table so you won't waste time sending mixed signals. You also have to consider the other person's feelings. Look for indications that your date wants to take things to the next level. That's why it's so important to divulge information on the need to know basis.

Too Much or Too Little

Of course, there are situations in which people hide certain details until they get what they want. For instance, a guy may not tell you that he's in a committed relationship--or isn't looking for a relationship--until after he has slept with a woman. In this case, he has withheld information that that woman needed to know because he knew that complete honesty would probably not work in his favor. There are also instances in which a woman talks too much about her previous relationship and its demise, or makes it clear (several times) that she's ready to get married. A man doesn't need to know these things right away. It could cause him to think that the woman is too desperate, and may scare him away.

Observe Body Language

When you're having a conversation on a first (or second, or third) date, it's important to read the other person's body language and pay attention to his/her verbal responses. Don't give away too much information too quickly. For instance, don't tell a guy that you want to have children when he hasn't even asked you if you want to date exclusively. On the other hand, don't tell a woman that you don't want children when she hasn't even hinted at wanting another date yet. Keep the conversation appropriate for the level of your relationship.

Building a Solid Foundation

It's also wise not to reveal too many details about your career, financial situation, or future goals before you get to know your date a little better. Some people are pretty shallow when it comes to dating, and only want to date someone who "looks good on paper." Be sure to take your time and get to know the person, so that the conversation can flow freely. As you become more comfortable with each other, you'll start telling each other things about your lives that will make you vulnerable to each other. If you pace these interactions, you may find that you're building a lasting and fulfilling relationship with someone you've come to love and trust.

The Need to Know


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