Your Personal Issues Are Yours

It is hard for two people to live together without a misunderstanding or petty issues. Are you in a love relationship? How do you handle relationship issues with your partner? Every relationship is different and so are the issues. You should talk to your partner as though you are talking to your friend and do everything possible to separate your issues from the person. But how is this possible?

How do you separate your issues from the person?

Treat the relationship as long term

Always ensure you look at your current relationship as long term no matter the issue. Be mentally prepared to still hold onto the relationship even if the outcome doesn’t favor you. This will help you remain sober-minded without adding emotions into the situation.

Respect is key

Is your partner treating you badly? Do you find it hard to hold back hurtful and heartbreaking words? How about the insults? Always remember that no matter how badly you are treated, ensure you uphold utmost respect for the other person. If they disrespect or insult you, ensure you esteem them; this will help the relationship to remain strong even after the issues develop.

See the problem as mutual

It takes two to tangle, right? Just remember that you are two in the argument and that it’s not the fault of your partner that you have a disagreement. See the person you are in dispute with as your friend. No matter the weight of the issue, psychologically place yourself on the same team with him or her. This will encourage cooperation and reduce stress and intimidation.

Separate your issues from the person

If you have any negativity towards your partner, replace it with the good times you’ve had. See your partner as a friend but the issue itself as the enemy. Focus on the issue and make sure everything is completely resolved to avoid similar issues in the future.

Prioritize the relationship; remember it’s not a personal attack

Remember how beautiful your relationship has been and highlight that the relationship is a priority. Even if one party seemingly loses to the other, make it known that the relationship remains strong as ever. Your relationship is what matters most.

Do not compete

Remember it’s not a competition; nobody should be out to win. Don't try to prove your partner wrong; instead, show what the right thing to do is. You want to come up with a solution and not create a competition.

Do not trade the relationship

Is your disagreement about something that you hold dear to your heart? Again, remain sober-minded and do not trade the relationship for anything less. For instance, if the problem is money, don't negate your relationship for the sake of money.

After all is said and done, confirm with your partner the relationship is stable and strong. Learning to separate your issues from the person is vitally important. This is possible by attacking the issue while you show your partner love. Love can conquer all evil; let love rule over your disagreements instead of you!

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Theodore Lovelace holds a degree with an emphasis in political science and communication. Having worked in the counseling field for over thirty years, Mr. Lovelace has provided counseling services for individuals, couples, and families.


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