Relationship Problems

How do you feel about yourself right now? Do you like who you are? Are you truthfully content with life and happy to get up in the morning? If your answers are yes, I would venture to bet you are content in most relationships. Generally, when we feel good or in control of ourselves or needed, then our Relationship Problems seem few. Relationships problems, or the lack of, really tug deeply at our souls. In most cases a person will view their image and value as a person by the quality and sometimes even the quantity of their “natural” relationships.

THAT’S WHY WE TRY TO GET PEOPLE TO LIKE US. We don’t want to feel rejected. If and when we feel loved by others, then we are “lovable”, literally, But the feelings from being loved and valued in our ‘natural’ relationships will often fade. And sometimes there won’t be enough THERE to sustain us and restore our well-being.

Examining Ourselves

Even though relationship problems are central to most, if not all of our problems, many of us are often oblivious to the fact that it is our OWN BEHAVIORS that are damaging our relationships. These behaviors generally result in what I view as a “cycle of defeat” in our relationships that many of us DO NOT recognize.

All of us have experienced relationship problems through some form of hurt in our relationships, beginning with our primary caretakers and continuing to this very moment. We all react to this pain in the same way- WE WANT TO STOP IT AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE, and to keep it blocked off. Over the years, in order to minimize the amount of hurt we allow other people to inflict on us, we’ve learned to be “controllers” to varying degrees. Generally, men control women by taking advantage of their emotions and placing them in bondage through SEX WITHOUT COMMITMENT. And women control men through abusing their power of INFLUENCE (I explain this concept in another article). But, essentially, trying to control others creates severe relationship problems while ultimately destroying the relationship- you cannot change anyone!!!

Wise Women vs Foolish Women

In the Book of Proverbs, it says that……” the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish woman tears it down with her OWN hands.” Both the wise woman and the foolish woman want love, and both of them use their HANDS (sometimes HANDS in the Bible means MOUTH) to get it. But the foolish woman tears down her own home by constantly nagging her husband or by trying to be her daughter (s) “BEST FRIEND” when her daughter really NEEDS a mother. She has “best friends” and they are usually around her age.

The wise woman on the other hand, builds up her home by having a strong relationship with God that allows her to encourage her husband, even when he fails her, and to provide guidance to her children AND their friends. Foolish behavior is motivated by a woman’s drive to CONTROL LOVE IN RELATIONSHIPS. Woman who are “controllers” tear down their homes and any hope for effective, positive relationships by keeping others at a distance through their demanding and obsessive natures.

We all know this type of woman. She is usually the “nosy” neighbor on the sitcoms who is in everyone else’s business, and constantly telling other people how to run their lives. She will often be married to a “henpecked” husband. She usually has some good qualities that tend to keep other people in relationship with her, but they are always kept at arm’s length. Most often than not people learn that they must “walk on eggshells” around her.

To better understand yourself, it’s crucially important to understand how you tick, and that means seeing two things:

1)Recognize, acknowledge, and release to God your hunger for love (or you’ll continue to demand it from others).

2)Recognize, acknowledge, and release to God the strong tendency to control relationships resulting in acute relationship problems (understand you can’t change anyone else but yourself).

You are clinging to the subconscious belief that if you can only control your relationships, you will finally get the love you’re after. You have become so committed to this subconscious belief that in your drive to obtain the love you crave; you often drive away THOSE WHO ARE CLOSEST TO YOU!



Relationship Problems: Trying To Control Others Destroys Relationships

Theodore Lovelace


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here