I Am Possessed

I have a confession to make. I am possessed by a foreign entity.

There is something living in me that is not of this world, and I dare say is not of any world in this dimension.

It is not every day that one discovers a being from beyond the galaxy living inside of him. If this had not happened to me, I would have dismissed it as science fiction drivel, the sort of thing that makes a great story but has no basis in fact.

But this is fact.

An intelligent life form is living and moving inside of me, trying to control me, trying to convince me to do its work on this planet. It is a compelling force, far more powerful than can be possibly imagined.

If the truth really be told, my God, I have no idea what would happen to me if I would let this entity take full control of me. What would happen if I just gave in to it? What would happen if I no longer resisted its enticing, sometimes mesmerizing attempts to get me to lay down my guard long enough to have ITS way?

I wonder what would happen to me?

I wonder what would happen to everyone around me?

To those I work with?

To my family?

To the world?

This thing inside me is like nothing you have ever imagined. It is, without exaggeration, not of this universe, not even of this dimension. But nonetheless, I hear its voice. It haunts me day and night.

When I go to bed, the voice is there to trouble me as I drift off to sleep. Throughout the night, this voice often agitates my sleep, whispering, “I want you. I want you. I'm going to consume you. I'm not going to stop.”

When I awaken in the morning, its haunting words continue relentlessly as they did throughout the night hours: “You don't know what it took for Me to get inside of you. You don't know what I had to do. You don't know what I had to sacrifice to get where I am, and I'm not going to give up. You have no hope to get rid of Me. You can try, but I'm not going anywhere.”

Over the years, I have felt this being’s movements within and heard its archaic attempts to communicate with me.

This is neither fiction or fantasy. It is the true reality of my life. I have been invaded by an alien life form that has taken up what appears to be permanent residence within my body.

I am possessed.

I am sorry if some you are frightened by this.

I wish it were not so.

Sometimes I wish I could simply ignore it and move on.

But I cannot.

Not a Random Act

This intelligent life form possesses me. It has its own mind. It has its own desires. It has its own plan. In fact, I have come to believe that this entity has possessed me, not as a random act for its own personal survival, but because I have somehow been specially selected by it. Strange as it may seem, I am convinced that it observed me from another dimension and personally chose to use me for who knows what reason. It saw me as I was formed in my mother’s womb. It watched as my personality, my talents--everything that makes me, me--were intricately woven into the very fabric of my being. It was there and watched it happen.

It chose me. Can you imagine that? Now it wants to rule me, to control me. It picked me out before I was born, from another dimension, attached a dream to me, and said, "I'm going to get inside of that one.”

With each passing day, this entity grows in its possession of me in every way. It seems to be requiring every part of me to accomplish its will.

I have, of course, no idea what it feels like to be pregnant, but I do know what it feels like to have something living and moving within, vying for my concentration amidst all the other things that clamor for my attention.

I can feel the Presence inside of me. It makes my heart churn with feelings I have never had and cannot explain. It makes me impatient with the average, with the normal expectations of life. I have become intolerant of single-dimension thought and perspectives that merely re-define what already is while ignoring what could be, what should be. I am beginning to see as it sees.

Bigger Than Me

This entity challenges every thought, every desire, every ambition. I do not know whether to fear it or release myself to it. I cannot decide whether to resist its persistent beckon or allow it total access to my heart and soul. In one way, its power and possibilities are beyond comprehension, certainly more than anything a normal person could ever hope to imagine, let alone experience. But in another way, its single-minded determination makes me fear the consequence of relinquishing control to its consuming resolve.

Everything inside of me says to trust this being without question or hesitation. Yet, everything inside of me also resists the possibility of giving control over to someone else, even if that Someone has the ability to fulfill my deepest hopes and dreams. Oh, the irony! Everything I have ever imagined is within my grasp if only I will give over everything to the One who possesses my soul, trusting in Someone I cannot control.

Sometimes when I touch somebody, even accidentally, unless I'm careful He'll just leap out into the one I have touched. It is as though He has this desire this one tracked mind to attach destiny to everyone He can possess. I am nothing special. He is not content to possess only me, but everyone who will drop his guard long enough to allow Him entrance.

It is as though He has a message.

It is as though His dimension holds the key to the fullness of life in this dimension.

It is as though He wants to speak to the nations Himself.

It is as though He wants me to stretch out my hands so that He can touch the nations for Himself.

It is as though when I stretch out my hand and touch the nations, He is not only touching the nations but also with quiet and silent precision moving into the ones I touch.

It is as though He can only touch what I am willing to touch; He only embraces what I am willing to embrace.

It is as though the only smile He has is my smile, the only voice He has is my voice, and the only hug He has is my hug.

It is as though He wants to live His life through me.

It is as though He would express Himself fully through me if only I will say ‘yes’ to Him more completely each day.

It is as though this entity from another dimension has a plan of love and healing for this planet that He wants to execute through me. He wants to transport the stuff of His realm into our dimension. He wants to deliver the power and life of His dimension into the hearts of those who will allow Him.

It is as though He knows more about our dimension than we do. It is certain that He needs nothing from us. Ours is by far the inferior dimension.

He draws all He needs from the dimension from which He comes. For the stuff He brings with Him has a power that seems almost magical. The rules of His realm defy the very laws of nature, the laws that most certainly control us, keeping us bound to this dimension and this order of things.

But there are other dimensions, other orders, other rules by which those of other dimensions are governed and by which some in this realm have had the courage to embrace and experience. For these, life has taken on a much different purpose, a much larger--dare I say superior? —reason to live.

We Can Touch Other Dimensions

For there are some, who are content to dwell within the confines of this dimension. They are content with life on this level alone. But we are multidimensional beings who are constructed to communicate and pass freely from one dimension to another. The inner ache that so many feel from deep within is the call to another dimension. It is an invitation to experience life and fellowship in this higher place.

It is as though this entity is from the dimension of eternity. It is as though He is the Son of God, brooding over the earth once again, this time looking for ordinary people like you and me through whom He can live, move, and complete the plan of His Father. He comes on behalf of a broken and hurting people who search desperately for life, meaning, and fulfillment.

It is as though He would show us things beyond our wildest imaginations if only we would give in to Him.

It is as though He is waiting for us to say yes.


Now I have another confession to make. This may also startle the unprepared, the religious, the complacent among us. But I will tell you anyway.

It’s not so bad, this being possessed.

In fact, now that I know who possesses me and I am discovering why it is beginning to be most exciting. I want to listen more carefully and keep myself prepared and unencumbered, so I can be swift to respond to His voice. The things of this realm that were once so important are not so valuable to me. I simply do not need them.

Desperate to be Available to Him.

I never quite know what will happen from day to day. Sometimes I am not sure what will happen from minute to minute. But I am always sure it will be incredible for me and life-changing for those to whom I am sent. So it is critical for me to be unfettered from the distractions of this dimension that prevent me from being ready to respond to His voice.

I realize that this other-dimensional entity, this Christ of God who possesses me, will send me to the most unusual places for the most unpredictable reasons in order to complete His will in the earth. I am in His control. The only boundaries that exist are the ones I assign to myself. He does not see limitations nor confine Himself to the religious boundaries of mere mortals. In fact, He has no boundaries like those imposed by a reluctant and frightened humanity. His landscapes are boundless and eternal. His dreams transcend time and offer only the most awesome of possibilities.

We constantly look for ways to restrict His movement, all in accordance with His Word, of course. He, on the other hand, is forever unveiling the same Word in ways that open our hearts and minds to the potential that has never been imagined.

The Outrageousness of God

We have never really stopped to consider the outrageous as it fleets through our spirit. We are afraid of the outrageous because it threatens our security, so we have trained ourselves to reject the outrageous before it has time to upset the established order of things. But the outrageous is born in the heart of God. He thinks outside of time and space. His plan is born in the dimension from which He comes. Man rejects the thoughts of God because man considers the work of God from the confines of his dimension, limited by logic and his own five senses. These cannot touch the dimension of spirit nor understand the rules that govern there.

Humanity just does not get it.

When God speaks from His dimension, He fully intends to complete what He has started with the stuff of His dimension. He does not need our “stuff,” for anything we put toward the effort is grossly inadequate. He does not need to be convinced. He doesn't even need our faith. He has His own faith that He brings with Him when He possesses us.

He only needs our cooperation.

He only needs for us to say yes to Him.

We reject the outrageous because it cannot be justified by the rules that govern time and space. But when we reject the outrageous, we reject God.

He has much to say to us, much He wants to do through us. His plans are made with all the power and creativity of His dimension. He brings everything He needs into time and space in order to bring it to pass. But we reject it because we choose not to consider the stuff of another dimension. We are therefore hopelessly bound to time, space, dirt, and death.

What kind of a life is that? We are beings of this dimension who are equipped to yield to the work of a greater realm. Yet we allow ourselves to be controlled by those whose minds are permanently bound to this finite realm of death and failure.

It is really most simple. Christ wants to change the world Himself. He wants to build His own Church and His own Kingdom.

He wants to tell His own story.

He wants to exalt His own Father and show the world how wonderful it is to be possessed.


He has possessed us to live His life through us. We do not need to play the games of religion that have no idea of the power and determination of the One who lives within us.

It is not hard when you understand that He wants to show Himself to us with far more passionate determination than we can imagine. He wants to show Himself to us that He may live His life through us. We do so many silly things to try to get His attention! But He does not need convincing. We already have His attention.

Getting His Attention

I do not have to sing, read, fast, pray, dance, cry, or fall over to get His attention. I do not have to beg, make deals, or use formulas to convince Him to listen to me. In the past, I thought He was a disinterested party helping me because He either had to, was forced to, or took pity on such a miserable life form such as me. That is the way I was taught.

But that is not the way it is at all!

He spied me out! He set the plan in motion to possess me even when I was not aware of it.

He wants to get on with the business of using me for His plan. He wants me to hear and respond as quickly as I can. I only need to grow quiet enough to hear His voice. What I thought were His archaic attempts to talk to me were really His attempts to communicate with a life form far too busy with his own needs and desires to respond to Him Who lives within.

He brings everything He Needs

He needs nothing from me. In truth, everything He needs to change this dimension comes from His dimension. Nothing from this realm has the power or ability to effect permanent, generational change in time and space as we know it. So He brings everything with Him from the dimension that sent Him. He brings all His own faith, His own wisdom, His own love, His own compassion, His own power as well as everything else that will be necessary to establish His own Kingdom among mortal man. We are talking about an awesome task here. He wants to build in us and among us, in this dimension the same benevolent Kingdom that is the life and shining star of the dimension from which He comes.

All that He brings, He brings in Himself, who now possesses me and all others who will agree with Him. He is setting up shop inside mere humanity. He is building immortality within those who are mortal. Two dimensions are touching, interacting. We are being affected, no, transformed by a dimension of spirit that dwells beyond the reach of our five senses, into a jurisdiction that flesh and blood cannot enter and certainly has no authority in apart from this Christ of God. There, the law is simple. You enter, dwell, fellowship, and grow by the substance of spirit. Entrance by any other means is impossible.


This is a near religious experience, but it has nothing to do with religion. A religious experience in this dimension can be faked. One can claim that he is possessed when he is only pretending to be possessed. This is quite common among men in this dimension. Although why someone would pretend to have what he can have in reality is quite beyond my limited understanding. If one only pretends to be possessed, he must act as though he is, while having nothing from that dimension that changes the heart or empowers him to his destiny. A bad situation just gets worse when a false confession leads to a false demonstration of something one does not really have. It gets more and more complicated.

Hmmm.... That, I guess, is a truly religious experience.

I cannot imagine why anyone would want to fake being possessed. What? You are laughing as though I am crazy. But it happens every day. People who are not possessed pretend to be possessed while criticizing and judging those who truly need to be changed. They try to make everyone think they are in league with this Christ of God, doing His bidding and hearing His voice, but all the while they fear those who are possessed by Him.

These spiritual hucksters secretly plan the spiritual, emotional, and physical demise of those who are allowing this entity to do His work through them. These are the same people who begin to see the vast and unlimited provision from this other dimension and attempt to use its assets for their own profits and for their own personal kingdoms, even when it means siphoning assets from those believers who are unaware of their deception.

Those not truly possessed exact burdens and duties that have nothing to do with true possession upon the innocent. These folks know the right words but cannot deliver the love, compassion, or power of eternity. Rather, they only imitate the nature of Christ and place themselves in positions of authority they have neither earned nor understood.

True possession is something else altogether. True possession is the living, vibrant, spontaneous activity of Christ within a person’s body, soul, and spirit. This life form is constantly transferring to the ones He possesses the incredible supply of everything that makes His plan feasible in the human heart.

In these folks, nothing has to be faked because the power is from this other dimension and the work of changing the heart is not theirs. The work that goes on within is genuine and obviously, the work of the entity that possesses them.

When weakness is discovered, one simply turns inward to the life form that possesses him. He is the One who has the power to strengthen the weak place. So there is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to run from. The Christ of God is at work within them to do the will of God and to transform them into all they are intended to be.

I know, I know. Some think that with everything inside that needs changing, this entity would most likely throw you right out the door. The problem is that He is already in you. He has already poured so much into you that to discard you would mean throwing out all the work He has done already done. He cannot discard Himself. So even if you are faithless, He must remain faithful to Himself.

But I have discovered a wonderful thing. He has the power to alter anything in this dimension, including me. I cannot keep myself right. I cannot change myself. There is nothing in this dimension of time and space with the power to permanently change me.

Fear doesn’t change me. Fear just discourages me.

Guilt doesn’t work. Guilt only makes me feel hopeless. Totally hopeless.

Shame is a fraud. It merely causes me to turn away from the One I love.

Condemnation is a bitter lie. It tells me the One to Whom I have given everything has rejected me because I have failed.

These are the empty tools of lifeless religion. They are the finite accusations of those who do not know the infinite glory and wonder of true possession.

Hope for Today

But I do hear something within my heart that I am certain comes straight from Him. It is the song of hope. I hear Him saying to me again and again, “I will change you. Do not fear. I will change you. You might not yet be what you want to be, but I promise I will change you into what I want you to be. You focus on the world, and I will focus on you. You give yourself to listening to me and saying yes, and I will transform you from the inside out. For I AM working on you from where I live—inside of you.”

Therefore, at this point in my life, I am happy to announce to the world, without apology, without fear, without shame.

“I am possessed. I am possessed by the living Christ of God.

Not my will, but His will be done.”

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Theodore Lovelace holds a degree with an emphasis in political science and communication. Having worked in the counseling field for over thirty years, Mr. Lovelace has provided counseling services for individuals, couples, and families.


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