Get Your Ex Back

Here are some tips and techniques to help you get your ex back. First, I can honestly say I know this is a very difficult time in your life. Your relationship ended and it feels like it’s over but there are still things that you can do to bring it back from the brink and salvage it. This is not a magic quick fix. And it isn’t always a guaranteed solution. What I can tell you is that you will be armed with techniques that will help you regroup and to re-focus and to look at your relationship with a fresh pair of eyes.

Basically, in order for the relationship to work this time, you can’t keep repeating the mistakes of the past or dredging up old baggage and past issues back if you hold out any hope of saving your relationship. Today needs to be a new beginning and nobody expects you to salvage the pieces of a broken relationship that never worked in the first place, why would you want to? Obviously if you want to re-kindle your relationship, you literally have to start over again. That’s a good thing because why would you want to continue and pick up the pieces of a dying relationship that was failing anyway?

So here’s your first tip in our 5-part series that will help put you on the path to winning back your ex.

Give Them Space

I know it’s easier than it sounds but believe it or not is crucial if you’re to have any chance at reviving your relationship. Not only is giving your ex-space important but it provides you the much needed time to re-evaluate your own priorities. It also gives your ex a chance to actually miss you. After all, you can’t miss what’s always there. If you’re constantly seeing them or calling them you’re not giving them the chance to appreciate you.

This is a marathon, not a sprint. You can’t have the unrealistic expectation that you’re going to patch things up within a quick timeframe. So don’t try to force your relationship. Allow it unfold at its own pace. Take things slowly, no need to rush into anything. Good things take time.

Instead, use your time wisely. Use it to focus on you and to do the things you’ve always wanted. There’s nothing more attractive than independence from your ex especially if you’re not as messed up over the demise of the relationship as they thought you’d be.

So smile, laugh and be happy and show them you’re ok. Independence and confidence are sexy. No matter what emotional turmoil you may be experiencing at the time. Resist the temptation to call your ex-multiple times a day or to purposely be in the same places that they are. Your absence will be noticed and will truly give them time to assess their life without you in it.

Welcome to part 2 of the Heart2Heartrelationships Series “Getting Your Ex Back”

The next lesson in this "win back your ex-series covers"- taking it slow and learning from your past relationship mistakes.

When it comes to winning over your ex again the last thing you want to do is to rush into anything. Take your time. The beauty of the relationship being over is that the pressure is off and you can start over again without a time limit.

Don’t place any unnecessary expectations on the situation; there is no set date that your relationship has to be on track by. In fact, because your relationship ended you don’t want it to go back to the way it was. That's why it ended in the first place. Now is the perfect time for self-reflection and to learn from your past mistakes.

Your ex will no doubt have told you some of the things that may have contributed to the breakup of the relationship. Perhaps some of these things really could be because of you. That’s not to say that you’re to accept One hundred percent of the blame. More often than not the relationship breakdown was a two-person effort. Whatever your contribution to the breakdown of the relationship, allow it make you stronger. Allow it be a time to break past habits and behaviors and replace them with positive ones. For example, if you have a quick temper try to become familiar with your own patterns of behavior. How do you feel prior to getting angry? Can you disrupt this pattern before it escalates? Are you controlling, extremely jealous or have real anger issues? These are things you may want to seek professional help with as there could be underlying issues that go far deeper than just your now dissolved relationship.

Your ex may not be completely innocent either but at this point, the relationship as you know it is over and the only thing that you can do is to first work on yourself. If the breakup was initiated by your ex, the last thing they want to hear is that they have to change too. They’re not in any position to hear that yet, even if it is true. The best advice you can get is the only thing you control in this world is yourself and that extends to how you react to things.

Something to avoid that is easy to do and that can be a relationship destroyer is bringing up past issues. How can you move forward when you keep looking back to the past? (See my article “Trying To Move Forward While Looking Back) Leave the past exactly where it belongs, in the past.

So even if your ex-was in the wrong, don’t bring up what they did. That is the quickest way to keep your relationship stalled. Nobody likes to hear what they did wrong. Again, if your ex-initiated the break up they’re in no frame of mind to accept their part in it. Not at this point anyway. So be patient and determined to make new, positive changes in your life and your ex will wake up and take notice.

Change is attractive AND life changing.

Welcome to part 3 in this 5 part Heart2Heartrelationships series on winning back your ex

In this lesson, we’re going to consider how important it is to change your strategy.

I know how difficult it can be when your relationship has just ended to resist the urge to demand answers. After all, we’re only human and when things go wrong we want to know where the fault lies so we can fix it. Not in this instance. This is one of the few situations where the rules won't work and demanding answers can actually go against you.

There’s nothing appealing in the eyes of your ex about being needy and clingy especially if they were the one to end the relationship. The best thing to do is to keep your distance and play hard to get. That doesn’t mean that you should treat your ex badly by being nasty. By being aloof you’re showing that not only did the break up not affect you the way they would have expected. But that you’re doing just fine without them. I know it can seem difficult in fighting the urge to have it out with your ex. But learning to resist the urge to act on impulse will pay off in the long run.

Here are a few tips to keep your ex on their toes and intrigued with you:

Don’t be so quick to return your ex’s phone calls. When the phone rings don’t pick it up. You don’t want to give the impression you’re waiting by the phone and praying for it to ring. Leave desperation out of the equation. In the human psyche, we tend to place more value on the things that we can’t have and less on the things that we readily can have. If your ex-knows that you’re waiting in the wings for them to snap their fingers, they’ll never fully appreciate you. But to know that you’re not always going to be there when they want you make you all the more appealing and desirable.

Keep a little mystery, don’t give everything away. Don’t let them know everything you do and they’ll become more interested in you. Again, in terms of the human psyche, we always want what we can’t have. So by keeping yourself just out of their reach, it will make you unattainable and all the more attractive and interesting.

The fascinating thing about human behavior is that your ex-wants you to be independent and to think and make decisions for yourself. Being clingy and needy can be a turnoff and make your ex-feel smothered. But at the same token, the moment that you change this behavior and become independent and show signs that you no longer need your ex to make decisions for you, they become interested and want to re-kindle the relationship again.

The moment that they know you no longer need them is the moment they come running back, afraid to lose their power and influence over you. This is a good thing, let them come running. Your relationship should be give and take as equals and not one sided. Even if they run back to you simply because you’re not showing them the attention they crave, it is not a solid foundation to base a relationship on. This constant game of ego cat and mouse is not healthy and the relationship in the eyes of your ex fulfills a more superficial purpose. You want genuine love and to be loved and you deserve more than to be stuck in the relationship purgatory of childish mind games, who has time for that?

How To Get Your Ex Back

Stay tuned for part 4 of this series


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