The mannequin, 28, mentioned how she discovered her place in entrance of the cameras alongside candy house movies from her childhood, which confirmed her and her sister strutting round their yard “modeling” as youngsters. Nevertheless, Nickayla famous that her psychological well being had taken a downturn by 2019 as her profession hit a plateau. On the time, she was dwelling in New York Metropolis, 1000's of miles away from her household in Los Angeles.
“I misplaced loads of confidence in myself. I needed to get out of this darkish place that I used to be mentally, and I felt like 2020 was going to be my yr,” the California native defined within the 10-minute YouTube video, uploaded on Monday, January 10.
Whereas Nickayla promised herself that she’d do extra for her profession, the COVID-19 pandemic hit only a few months later, forcing her to spend some much-needed time at house. “I bought to spend so much of time with my household, which I hadn’t had earlier than as a result of I used to be all the time touring and I used to be all the time working,” she mentioned.
Her time with the Glee alum, nonetheless, was reduce brief. “My household and I skilled a tragic loss. In July of 2020, my sister Naya handed away,” she recalled. “And when that occurred, I used to be in full shock. My complete household was in full shock. It was like somebody pulled the rug from beneath us and we didn’t see it coming. The darkish place that I used to be in earlier than solely progressed when that occurred. At the moment, I had no ideas of my future. I had no ideas of myself, actually. I used to be solely simply experiencing ache.”
Nickayla’s older sister was reported lacking on July 8, 2020, after her son Josey, who was four years previous on the time, was discovered alone on a ship they rented at Lake Piru in Los Angeles. The 33-year-old actress was pronounced dead after her physique was recovered from the lake on July 13. Naya is survived by Josey and Nickayla in addition to brother Mychal Rivera, father George Rivera and mom Yolanda Previtire.
The lack of the Sorry Not Sorry author despatched Nickayla right into a melancholy till she determined to take management of her psychological well being. “I noticed that the ache that I used to be experiencing wasn’t going to go wherever till I made a decision to search out the nice on this world,” Nickayla defined in Monday’s video. “So from then on, I went on this journey of discovering who I used to be.”
Her first change was dropping her worst behavior, vaping, which she’d picked up two years prior. “Quitting that was actually exhausting, however after I did, I felt so empowered. I felt like I might do something after that,” she mentioned.
She additionally began to work towards a more healthy way of life in different methods. “I picked up journaling and began writing about my emotions. I mentioned no to doing loads of issues that I didn’t need to do however usually would for different individuals. I began placing myself first,” she famous. “I turned aware and noticed how I felt every day.”
The vlogger continued: “I began asking myself the powerful questions of what’s stopping me from being myself? What’s previous harm am I nonetheless holding onto? And why am I not dwelling like day-after-day is a present? As a result of it's. Once I began answering all these questions actually to myself, and I finished the act, I finished mendacity, I finished pretending, I discovered myself. I can say that I'm a totally modified individual.”
Nickayla, who had been on a four-year hiatus from her YouTube channel earlier than returning earlier in January, mentioned that her complete outlook on the human expertise is completely different now that her priorities have shifted.
“Earlier than I checked out life prefer it was a burden due to small, minute issues that within the grand scheme of issues, don’t matter,” she concluded. “Now I take a look at life for what it's: a chance to indicate the world who you're, to your genuine self and nothing much less. They are saying we solely have one life, so stay it. However I really feel like we solely have at some point. We solely have one second. The following second is just not promised, so stay this second such as you stole it.”