Healthy Relational Love

A dysfunctional relationship represents an impaired or abnormal functioning of humans in which their relationship to God is misunderstood, therefore, the flow of real life to the relationship is restricted and misdirected. In this scenario the relationship with creation is reversed and life is sought in mere events, activities, and people rather than God who is the Source. Therefore, in order for us to function in healthy relationships and achieve destiny while experiencing Healthy Relational Love, a correct understanding of our relationship with God is absolutely necessary.

Creation was designed to be either a medium or expression of God’s Life. But as human beings we occupy a special and specific place in His creation. We are fulfilled and operating at peak capacity whenever we express His love in our relationships. His love is always sacrificial. It is an “other’s first”, not a “me first” kind of love, which makes it the polar opposite of society’s current expression of love which is ‘selfish’ and ‘self-centered’. (see my article on “Selfies”)

Healthy relational love is “selfless” rather than “selfish”.

This kind of love is a conduit for joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, and temperance. This kind of love produces behavior which doesn’t have to be regulated by laws. The very essence of this kind of love is…. is patient and kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.


Whenever and wherever relational behavior is governed by laws, i.e.; woman are to do this and men are to do that, the relationship soon becomes “dysfunctional”. One partner inherently winds up in a subordinate position or under the authority or the will of the other partner. This type of relationship opens the door to oppressors; domination, control, intimidation, condescension, and manipulation. These relationships produce “death” and not “life” in that they only flow from one direction, very similar to the Dead Sea. Spousal performance is continually under scrutiny and examination causing the focus of the relationship to shift from internal growth to external decay. In this type of relationship, the will of one spouse is nearly always subordinate to the other, thereby rendering mutual growth and support completely absent from the relationship and the full emotional development for both individuals void. So instead of two people growing together “In” love, they begin to grow apart causing their relationship to slowly deteriorate and ultimately DIE.

“Without me you can do nothing……………”

Healthy Relational Love


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