Relationships are valuable
Human beings are endowed with the ability to think and emote. This is what makes them different from animals. Maintaining interpersonal relationships is an art as well as a science. There is a difference between entering into a relationship and sustaining it throughout. People have many facets to their personality. Sustaining a relationship involves identifying the positive aspects of your partner and appreciating those qualities. This is the power of praise which you should secure in yourself before entering into a meaningful relationship.
The power of praise
The power of praise is something which doesn’t come overnight. You should know that there is an extremely thin line separating praise and flattery. Praise is telling the other person what you think of him or her whereas flattery is telling the other person precisely what he or she thinks about himself or herself. Praise is something which comes from the heart and flattery is a thing which comes straight out of the mouth. One is sincere and heartwarming whereas the other is insincere and untruthful. Praise is an encouragement whereas flattery is false praise.
The difference between praise and flattery
You need to understand that overdoing praise will end up in
flattery. The right balance should be maintained. Praise is an unselfish
rendition while flattery has selfishness written all over it. A person who
understands these basic differences is said to have mastered the power of
praise. You should understand your limitations as no one is born perfect in
this world. The beauty of sustaining a relationship is in accepting a person
the way they are. This is true love and this point has to be internalized by everyone.
This is easier said than done. However is there any harm in attempting to learn
this aspect of relationships?
Dating and the power of praise
This is true of any relationship and all the truer in regard to dating. Dating is considered to be the first step towards a lifelong relationship. If you falter at the initial step, imagine what would be the future of that relationship. You need to be honest about yourself as well and open enough to take praise and criticism as two sides of the same coin. Understand how to use the power of praise judiciously. The positive aspects of your partner should be highlighted whereas the negative aspects should be corrected in a subtle way without offending feelings. Maintaining the perfect balance is the key to a successful and long-lasting relationship. You should know, what to say when to say it, and how to say it. That is the power of praise.
Relationships and the power of words
The words 'thank you' and 'I appreciate you' may seem simple, but for those who have heard them know that they work magic. How did you feel the last time that you gave a coin to a beggar and they were thankful? Personally, I added another coin just to hear the same words again. The same goes for relationships. As Steve Harvey indicated in one of his books, there are three ways that a man shows his love. One of them happened to be in the way he provides for his family, being the breadwinner. When he provides, he feels like a man. But when you show him that you actually appreciate what he is doing for you, he feels more than a man. Can you say, superman? He gets motivated to do more for his family. That simple ‘thank you' gave him wings to fly into space and bring you the moon. Obviously, when he is happy, he will make you happy too. That's the joy of gratitude. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
The law of physics and relationships
Ladies, this is a physics law which does not work in any aspect of a relationship. When a man goes out of his way to buy you a sac Celine for your birthday and all you do is nag and complain about how it is not your color, you do not deserve that man. You need a color wheel beside you. For every positive action, it definitely deserves a much more positive reaction. Men, please DO NOT complain about how bad your lady cooks. Be grateful she tries to cook. Understand there are women who can’t chop onions. If she is that bad, then try scheduling cooking classes that you can attend together as a couple. If anyone must complain. please do and try to look for a solution so that you can move forward. Kindness is a language that the blind and the deaf can understand.
Gratitude and attitude
Gratitude is part of being kind and if you only knew how much appreciation is appreciated you would do it quite often. Be thankful for the positive and the negatives in your life. Your messed-up previous relationship took place to help you understand the mistakes you made so that you can be cautious in your next one. There are two sides of a coin, technically, there are three if you are counting the curved side. Whichever side you are facing its worth being grateful for. So smile at your pain, sorrows, joy, and achievements today. It's only then that you will recognize the joy of gratitude.
Relationships are wonderful and scary
If you are in a relationship, you can attest to the fact
that it is both wonderful and scary. It is wonderful because you have someone
to share the little splendors of life. You have someone to call when everything
goes wrong because you will get all the comfort you need. The scary part lies
in the inkling of danger. This is a gut feeling that your relationship will
eventually end someday. This feeling usually goes away as you continue to spend
time with your partner and realize it was all in your head. Note this hint of
danger is a feeling that may recur, especially when you are faced with hard
questions concerning your relationship. Every relationship has a story and the
biggest question you may have to answer is what story is your relationship
telling to the world? Is it that of love conquering all obstacles or that of
despair? Can a stranger look at you and your partner and believe in true love?
To truthfully answer these questions, you have to look inside you and be as
candid as possible.
Searching for answers
You do not have to wait for your relationship to be on the
rocks to start searching for answers, you can start now. In fact, the best time
to truthfully answer any hard questions is when the tide in your relationship
seems smooth. The reason is that when both you and your partner are going
through pure bliss, you are more accommodating towards any hard questions or
concerns regarding your love life. Before asking your partner to give his
opinion on the kind of story your relationship tells, search yourself. Think
about the time you met and what struck you the most about your partner. Think
of the first fight you had and whether your partner was quick to sweep your
issues under the carpet or was ready to argue till you both found a solution.
Did both of you focus on the problem rather than pointing out each other's
Stages of relationships
Now that you have taken a look at the early stages of your
relationship, consider the progress you have made so far. Think of the number
of months or years you have been together and whether you are both in it for
the long haul. Consider whether your partner speaks in terms of we instead of I
and you. If your partner often uses we, you definitely have a true love story
to tell for generations to come!
Sticks and stones
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me". Really? This is a big fat lie because you and I know that while broken bones often heal without any problems, wounds inflicted by hurtful words can last a lifetime. Words possess amazing power, and whether they hurt or heal depending on how they are used. All humans, rich or poor, male or female have the power in them to hurt or heal other people because let's face it, your pet cat will not go all huffy if you call him a good-for-nothing. The quality of your interpersonal relationships totally depends on the words you speak to people with whom you relate. How do you tell if a person is kind, condescending or obnoxious? For example, what makes you like or dislike your boss, your neighbor, your mother-in-law? How do you know how someone feels about you? by the words, they speak to you.
The walking wounded
Words are for hurting or healing; hurting or healing of the soul. There are a lot of walking wounded on our streets; casualties of a constant barrage of hurtful words. The thing is, sticks and stones can hurt the body, not the soul; but words have the power to hurt the soul, and that hurt can take its toll on the body. It is ironic that the theme of this article, “sticks and stones”, is a song sung by kids, and kids are particularly vulnerable to the power of words. Negative, hurtful words are the "kryptonite" to the superman in every child. The high rate of teen suicides, as a result of bullying, peer and even parental shaming is a testament to the destructive power of hurtful words. Thank God that healing, positive, life-affirming words are the antidote for the poison of hurtful words. Phrases like "You can do it", "I love you", and "I am proud of you", bring out best in everyone. The beauty of being able to speak these words is that you can say these words to yourself as well as to others.
A thousand words
If you have been a victim of verbal abuse, take advantage of healing words, speak them to yourself and to others as well, spread the word. Associate with people who affirm your value with their positive healing words and get away from folks who constantly run you down. The best thing though is to be the change you want to see in others, like in the movie "A Thousand Words" directed by Brian Robbins, starring Eddie Murphy. So, I ask you, what words would you choose to speak if your life depended on the number of words that come out of your mouth. Would you choose your words more carefully? Remember, words are for hurting or healing.