Relationships Without Complaining

Hello guys. I am more than compelled to write about this subject simply because I’m smack dab in the middle of a very frustrating situation. Recently, we had severe storms in the city where I reside and as result there was tremendous property damage. Actually we had two hail storms in a row exactly one month apart. I called in my claim after the first storm. That was the beginning of April. It’s currently the end of May, the adjusters been out already and my claim still hasn’t been rectified. From start to finish this entire process has been a complete nightmare. I’m the homeowner. I pay for a service and when I need that service I expect the process outlined in that service to work efficiently. Well, what the hell?

Two months later and no closure. What would you do at his point? I feel like calling every manager up to the President and CEO of this company just to let them know how “crappy” their service has been. Then I got to thinking- what does “complaining” really accomplish? What would it really solve? I am thankful this situation provided me something to write on.

Pope Francis preached about the Gospel story from St Luke about the two disappointed disciples on the road to Emmaus after the death of Jesus…….

“They were afraid. All of the disciples were afraid,” he said. As they walked toward Emmaus and discussed everything that had happened, they were sad and complaining. “And the more they complained, the more they were closed (caved) in on themselves: They did not have a horizon (clear focus) before them, only a wall.” (*paraphrase mine)

Constant Complaining

Why do some people always seem to find things to complain about? Constant complaining seems to be about things, people, circumstances that are affecting the complainer. But complaints are more the result of the state of the person doing the complaining than they are of their external environment.

Enoch Tan writes……“All problems with others are problems within oneself. Your relationship with others is your relationship with yourself. You create harmony or disharmony with others as far as you create harmony or disharmony with your thoughts and feelings. You are only affected by others faults to the extent that you lack the intrinsic qualities to handle your own faults.”

It is really interesting how many of us would rather complain, condemn, and criticize about what others are saying and doing rather than try to get to know people better. I’ve discovered it’s a lot easier to judge than to try to understand the reason why people act the way they do. The latter takes time, understanding, patience, and effort on our part while judging by appearances only (see my article), seems to be effortless way out.

Complaining Begins On the Inside

Again the problem is not my insurance company. The real problem is me. All of my frustrations and all of my anger represents nothing more than who I am on the inside. It’s just and ‘OUTER ‘projection of my ‘INNER’ being. Where there is anger, turmoil, and confusion there is enviably pain underneath. Through complaining what I’m attempting to do is use the actions and behaviors of the people who represent my insurance company as an excuse to project all of my inner emotional pain and suffering (and I am hurting from a broken marriage), onto others. That way I don’t have to face it.

Right now one of most therapeutic yet challenging things I can do is to cordially work with and show some love, appreciation, and respect to the people representing my insurance company. To cultivate healthy human relationship, in difficult situations, with difficult people, is what relationship building and Heart2Heartrelationships is all about.


Learn To Enjoy Relationships Without Complaining

By Theodore Lovelace


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