We all know people in committed relationships and how often we have envied them. What do we mean by committed? Most couples are together because of a sexual attraction or shared interests. They do not start by being deeply committed to one another – that comes with time. When you have been together for years and have made a great effort to share all sides of your life i.e. the good times and the bad, you will share a deep and meaningful bond which is difficult to break.
People believe that relationships are easy. This is probably due in part to Hollywood promoting this fallacy but it is a pack of lies. There is nothing easy when it involves a man and a woman. The very fact that they are different sexes makes communication difficult before you add in cultural and social differences that may be present! When two people first meet they are in what is often called the fantasy stage. Everything is wonderful, he or she is the best thing that could have happened to you. Sex is great and you cannot get enough of each other. This period can last any length of time but it tends to have passed before you reach your first year anniversary.
By then you have started to get used to each other and perhaps take one another for granted. You are no longer brainwashed by the huge sexual attraction and his or her habits which you used to find endearing are now just annoying. You may have heard the phrase the honeymoon period is over, well this describes just this stage in any relationship.
But it gets worse, you could move onto a phase where all you appear to do is fight and argue. You have forgotten the fantasy stage and now your partner just irritates you. What is actually happening is that there is a power struggle going on with neither partner willing to give ground. People who survive this phase do so by learning how to communicate. This is something every one of us needs to do and do properly.
Unfortunately, effective communication skills are rarely thought at school or in the home. It is a real pity as good communication would save many relationships. It isn’t difficult to learn – by reading the Magic of Making up your skills at communicating will improve dramatically.
Once you get past the power struggle you will hopefully, if you are lucky, enter the committed phase of your relationship. Now you have been through so much together and survived. Your relationship is stronger as a result of the trials and arguments.
You love each other and have accepted the differences between you. Yes, you know your partner has faults and irritating habits and they know you have as well but you both accept these. To have committed relationships is to enjoy deep love and it is an aim that all couples should strive for.