Being in a relationship with a passionate or demanding partner can be very tumultuous and even overwhelming sometimes. It can be like a roller coaster ride, briefly exhilarating for sure but it also involves living constantly in a state of nervousness or instability; living everyday emotionally exhausted.

Being Real

None of us are perfect. Having a demanding partner or spouse often means someone who wants things done a particular way, or has control issues or is an overachiever or expects constant perfection. While what they are asking maybe right some of the time it may not be the best for you. Being right vs Being real is a deadlock – we all reach it sometime or the other in any relationship we have. Being right is relative to each individual’s perception and opinion. It is wise to remember that while your demanding partner has these expectations from you to do the right thing (in their opinion) their behaviors or those demands don’t really reflect their unconditional love for you.

It is unconditional love that is the mainstay of a strong and comforting relationship. If you are truly loved unconditionally you will be accepted just as you are – there will be no attempts or comments to improve or change you. This of course does not apply if you are or your spouse is a substance abuser. Sometimes it may also be circumstances or events in life that make your spouse or yourself unreasonably demanding such as a terminal illness or an accident or injury or a serious chronic medical condition or mental illness. Such cases need you to be both right and realistic and usually also require expert intervention.

When strong feelings are involved or if you have kids to think about- being in a relationship where you sustain or feed unreasonable demands from your partner can meta-morph you into constantly feeling as if your emotional equilibrium is off. Having to constantly please your partner or spouse also leads to feelings of low esteem and inadequacy. These are not signs of a happy, fulfilled, or even a healthy real relationship. It is at the end of the day a two-way street and if you both can’t respect each other and preserve each other’s dignity then that is the beginning of a downward spiral.

Being Right vs Being Real?

Here, definitely being real is more important than being right. You have to bravely explore what you can emotionally handle. Can you deal with constant feelings of low self-esteem and misplaced guilt without being affected? You have to learn to love yourself first before you are capable of loving others. How can you love yourself if you are constantly feeling inadequate or guilty? At such times even if your friends and family say your partner or spouse is right for you or is good for you, you need to re-think the situation. Can you live up to this forced perception of being right or isn’t it better to be real?

How Real is Your Relationship?


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